Sewers and Ladders

Back to square one.
You a million
And me none.
Even your faults
Decorate you.
Make you flawless.
Me,
I’m nothing but
A bin bag of rubbish.
Every word I speak
I scatter it all around.
You,
In your perfect sanctitude
Sit and watch
As I mess the debris of me.
And I,
I dig deeper
Into my pile of garbage
Cursing my existence.
Whenever you reach
Your hand out
To pull me up
I throw your way
Piles of dirt.
So you’d scuttle back
And take cover.
We stand afar
Trying to get closer,
Back from square one.

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All-less: You Plus.

When I feel it
I cannot say it;
Put it all into words
And count up all the feels,
Scribble graphs
Of our heart beats
And try untangling
Yours from mine,
Paint all the colours
The sky wore
When your smile met mine,
Sketch that bliss
That played on your lips
When your eyes met mine,
Play that joy
That rang through my ears
When you held my hand,
Sing those lines
My heart sings
When you are by my side.
I’ll be voiceless.
I’ll be wordless.
I’ll be tuneless.
I’ll be artless.
If that’s all it takes,
To be breathless
And drink in your breaths.

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The Unsaid Good-bye

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Babbled thousands of words
But not one of them
Turned out to say
What I meant to say.
Before I know
The chance has passed
You’ve walked out the door
Into your destiny.

I cannot hold you back
Your life’s waiting for you
Your adventures are ready.
It’s only a good bye away;
New friends,
And a new life
In a new world
With new dreams.

I may not be in them
But I know one thing
I’ll be in your memories.
I’ll be in a time
You’ll look back fondly at.
I’ll be in your heart
Like you’ll always be in mine.

I never got to hold you tight
And kiss you goodbye
To tell you how much
I’ll be missing you
To say I’m sorry
For all the times
I made you cry.
For all the times
I wasn’t by your side.
To tell you how much
You mean to me…

When you take off today
I won’t be there to say
Our last Good bye.
Cause I know,
That though you’re crying away
This is not the end.
You’ll be back someday
With new feathers and wings
After flying around
In a brave new world
Like you’ve always dreamt about…

Dear Me,

Dear Me,

Those moments when everything about your life seems meaningless and you have no idea what to do with your life anymore… You see your friends and peers living their lives and chasing their dreams, but you have no idea what you want. Everything you ever dreamed of being has shattered in front of your feet. There are no more dreams left, no more hopes or hopes of dreaming again. The world would keep revolving and you are shit scared what would happen to you, what would your life be in another 20 years. Would you have anyone by your side? Would you grow old into a purposeless wreck, who would walk down streets in the evenings and still keep wondering what your life would have become if you had made the right choices? You would be forever haunted by the decisions you could have taken and the things that could have happened if you did. But you have no hope now. You see no life ahead of you.

You wish you could run back years and live them again, correct the mistakes you had made or the mistakes you hadn’t dared to make. You just keep wishing someone, anyone would understand you, take you by the hand and guide you through life and tell you what you are meant to be. Tell you that things will be alright, that there is nothing to fear. That the world is not as scary a place as you imagine it to be, that the world will accept you and love you. You would keep waiting for your Saviour to come and save you from yourself and you would keep on waiting but there’ll be no sign of anyone.

Would you at least then consider that you are your own foe and friend, that you, yourself are your Saviour? Would you still keep praying for the strength that you might have within you? Would you not slap yourself in the face and tell you self to suck it up? Sometimes, all you need in life is a stroke or a blow so hard that your entire life, beliefs and dreams would be shaken, and you are left with no option but to become your own strength. But, as unfortunate as these strokes of fate are, only a few people are blessed to receive them. Some would receive them too late and some shall never receive them.

Thus, eventually, you’d end up in a life that is emptier than you have ever experienced. You would not have lived at all, wrapped up and waiting for a better tomorrow, to start living. You think that this, today, is the hardest you have ever fallen, that there is no more to fall, that there is nothing more within you to be destroyed, that you have already lost everything you have ever had, and you might decide to give up, because there is nothing more left to fight for, there is nothing more worth fighting for. But the truth is you still have more than you ever thought you had. It is only when you really lose them that you realize that you had them all along. That you purposely drove them and yourself over the edge because you thought you had nothing left.

There is always something to fight for, there is always a chance to redeem yourself, there is always some way or another to chase your lost dreams. All you need is a wake up call. A wake up call in to the reality. A wake up call that would break through your shell and reach you. But this wake up call might cost you more than you can afford. Thus, it is up to you to decide how much you want to lose before you realize what matters the most to you and learn to fight for them. If you never fight, you will never win. If you have never fought, you’d never know how much what you have is worth.

So go fight. Fight with yourself. Fight for yourself. Fight for your life.

Good Luck!
Your Saviour.